my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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