based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
