i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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