you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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