walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
