Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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