he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
