Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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