if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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