I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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