You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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