if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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