Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
