There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
