we're blogging at a bar
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
