She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
