I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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