so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dick very happy bro
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
