i already hear my dad disowning me
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
