absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
