i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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