Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize