did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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