Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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