she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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