I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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