Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
