I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
