sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
