I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
