we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
