Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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