He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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