Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
