Jerry, you need to find god
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
