She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
