That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
