I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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