I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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