just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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