so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
