dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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