Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you will always have a special place in my vag
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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