i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
