Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
