i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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