What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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