I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
