An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
