I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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