Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize