rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize