It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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