Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
