Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
