he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
