I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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