I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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