1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
