she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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