chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize