If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
