She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Randomize
