I seem to have left my pride at pride
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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