Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
