I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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