Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Randomize
